


The Chattering Lack of Common Sense

by M0thSquared



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29566965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M0thSquared/pseuds/M0thSquared
Summary: Hadeharia, noun.1. the frequent use of the word "hell".That would be the only word PD is capable of using to describe the life he's forced to live.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	The Chattering Lack of Common Sense

**Author's Note:**

> edit: IDK WHAT "OTHER RELATIONSHIPS" IMPLIES BUT ZEE AND PD ARE IN NO WAY TOGETHER, I SWEAR, IT'D BE GROSS IF THEY WERE
> 
> this is the first, and probably only, fic i'm making for my hareharia au! i hope you enjoy!! note that this does contain some violence and scenes of dissociation. :[
> 
> the ref for pd was made by @saiiurn on tumblr!

i hope you enjoy! :]

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SLAM. Zee jabbed his hand down onto his desk, a low growl of frustration coming from deep within his chest. He stared down at the work he had spent so long creating, an irrational rage welling up inside the boy. 

He suddenly swiped his arms across the table, his papers and tools going everywhere. Unfortunately, this left Zee's assistant, PD, to take care of all the mess. He wiped his black hair from his face, as he rushed to arrange everything Zee discarded, and fix it up on his desk, right down to the exact angles his rulers were at.

Zee stared down at his hands for a moment. They were, green in tint, but not a consistent green. The texture was, somewhat scaly, and dry. Nothing like the texture his hands had before. It was nightmare fuel for him, but he looked away from his hands soon enough, so he could stare at PD, and his round, childish face.

"Is my work even worth it, P?" Zee asked, as his antennae twitched.

"Yes… It always was, everyone loves your work, or is too stupid to appreciate it…" PD stammered, as though the lines were scripted.

"Right… Thank you…" Zee mumbled, before getting right back to his work.

Unfortunately, this was the everyday for PD. It was his only purpose to remain at the hybrid's side, and serve him without question. That's how it had always been. It was all he could remember. Just him, and Zee. 

The boy looked up to Zee, finding his unending dedication to protection of others, impressive. Every single day, Zee put an amazing effort into the help of other timelines, the eradication of the Irken race. 

It made sense that PD was blown away by Zee. He was, well, a Dib. A version of Pilot Dib. Just as much as Zee was a version of Zib. 

PD watched from a distance, as Zee sketched away, creating a blueprint of sorts. PD didn't know or understand what Zee was doing, but it felt like such a privilege for him to watch. It-

"PD. SPACE. You KNOW how much I FUCKING HATE IT. WHEN YOU WATCH ME." Zee spat, hiding his work from side with his arms.

PD flinched, jumping back as Zee snapped at him. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, as he buried all of his fear, and skittered away. He navigated the remains of what used to be Zee's mighty tower, and nerve center for the Zimvoid. PD wasn't around for that, but he's heard plenty about the Zimvoid. Zee rambled about that frequently.

It was Zee's crowning achievement, his best plan. PD felt guilty that it had failed, and remains on Zee's mind to this very day. 

He eventually made it to his own room, the one that used to function as a guard post for Zee's tower. Now, PD used it as almost, an escape from Zee, and the stress that came with assisting him. Within the room, he had strung fairy lights, and filled the room with many comfort items that he had obtained from the many "adventures" he's had with Zee. They weren't quite, adventures, but it made him feel better to call them that. 

The poor boy sat down on his used bean bag chair, before reaching for his red charger cable, and plugging it into a port in his arm. The arm was not meant to come off, and was an effective part of him and his psyche, but it still needed to charge from time to time.

The boy laid back, and relaxed for the first time in ages. A sigh came from him, as he used his remaining flesh arm to reach over, and pull his Membrane stuffie close. A smile spread across his face, as he was filled with a certain euphoria. 

But… That unfortunately didn't last too long, as someone crashed through the window. A short figure, totally disguised. PD immediately jumped to his feet, at a speed that snapped his charging wire clean in half. He panted heavily, as his arm heated up, preparing to shoot the mysterious figure. 

The figure laughed, before tearing away his faceguard, revealing that he was actually, well, Zee.

"Ha! Nice to see you remember enemy protocol!" Zee said with an enthusiastic chuckle, as he fixed up his hair. PD let out a sigh of relief, letting go of the energy, and releasing the steam from his arm, "C'mon P. I got a mission to go on. You're coming with. You ready? You're ready." 

Zee said this quickly, before pulling out his portal gun, opening up a portal, and dragging PD through before the boy could even do anything about it.

On the other end, was what seemed to be, a lab closet. It was full of garbage, janitorial supplies, science stuff, etcetera. It reeked of chemicals, and deceased dreams. Something about the room, really messed with PD's head. The stress of it all began to come down on him, everything billowing inside of the boy, steam releasing from his arm yet again, until Zee started listing off his commands. 

"You are going to sit here and monitor things, alright? Be ready to come to my aid if it's needed, and until then, gather Intel on this world's Irken Armada. Not too hard, right?" Zee said in a confident tone 

Knowing what will happen next really brings the boy comfort, even if what will happen is assigned to him by Zee. He calmed down just a bit, as he sat himself down on the floor, and got himself set up, prepared to aid the green boy. Zee, didn't wait until the process was finished. Instead, he rushed off as soon as the opportunity was open to him. 

He ran through the halls of the building, but remained close to the walls that lined it. It was dark, so he did not stand out against the light shade of metallic blue they were all colored in. Zee was sure this would go well, as this was just another mission for him. Another run through another building. The only difference, was the method he planned on using for the eradication of that timeline's armada. He knew that different versions of his father, Membrane, are bound to come up with different things, so he always allowed himself the joy of, well, getting his hands on some new toys. Sure, there was always the slight ping of guilt inside of him, but he was able to ignore it, covering up the guilt with his own immense ego.

Soon enough, he came across the exact room he was looking for. Consistently, Membranes stored their new inventions in the same exact room, on the same exact floor. Zee appreciated that consistency, despite the fact that he's more than willing to tear the building apart for his own enjoyment. He ever so slowly pushed open the room's door, and crept in.

The room was, what you'd expect it to be. A normal segment of Membrane's lab, full of all sorts of wires, gadgets, and whatever else he had chosen to put there. And on the back wall, was a compacted bioweapon, a virus that could be programmed to attack any species he chooses. Zee could tell what that was the moment he saw it, immediately creeping over to get a good look. "YES!!" He thought, "THIS IS PERFECT!! I can have so much fun with this!"

A toothy grin spread across his face, as he gently wrapped his claw tipped fingers around the main canister, and yanked it from where it sat. He hugged it to his chest, slightly giggling, before an alarm suddenly blared in his ear. 

"Of fUCKING course…" Zee mumbled, upset that this wouldn't be as easy as it seemed. 

He couldn't stop his twin pompadours from twitching, as he ran out of the room, bioweapon held by a pseudo-limb he sprouted just for this occasion. The limb was much fuzzier than his usual arms, almost to the point where it seemed to be coated in cat fur. He was sure this would just be a mild inconvenience, until-

BAM.

He had run right into something. It felt like a wall. He needed a second to process the recoil, but while he did, he turned to see what he had slammed into, only to discover that it was… Him. The 7 foot tall dad, that was this world's Membrane. He had not expected this, or remotely anticipated for it. His breath hitched, as he took a step back, and tightened his grip on the weapon. He didn't realize that his jaw had been wide open, as Membrane began to approach, reaching his gloved hand out towards Zee. 

"... Son..?" Membrane asked, in his deep voice. It, wasn't too strange for Zee to be mistaken for his son. In a way… Zee was. Or at least, used to be. Being called son sent a certain feeling through him, one that made him, soft. 

But unfortunately, he was in danger. He had no room for being soft.

"Eh- This is my weapon now! It is being taken under my custody for the sake of your planet! For humanity! Okay??" Zee spat defensively, doing what he could to hide his feelings. This seemed to hurt Membrane, as he very much felt for Zee. This was his son, or… Some version of him. It didn't matter which, because this son was hurting. It was evident on his face, on his body. It made him question himself, and the state of his own son. Was he doing well enough as a father? 

"Son, I'm not sure what you want to achieve with that, but it's dangerous for you to have, and I'm going to need it back…" Membrane murmured, as he glanced around the halls, ready to stop Zee if he attempted to run.

"What I'm trying to achieve is important! There is no stopping me! Your efforts are pointless!" Zee yelled, before turning on his heel and attempting to run away, only to suddenly feel a prick in the back of his leg. He stopped himself, and stared at Membrane. 

He had his arm out, palm facing Zee. He slowly lowered it, as Zee reached to feel where the prick was, only to pull a dart from his leg, and inspect it.

"You son of a-" Zee started to say, only for the dart's contents to suddenly take effect, forcing Zee to collapse, and drop the weapon. Membrane couldn't help but shed a single tear, feeling guilty. This was technically work, but, that was his son that he had just knocked out.

…

"AAAAAAAHHH FUCK-" Zee suddenly screamed, sitting up in his bed. He spent a moment desperately feeling his whole body with his tired hands. His breathing was incredibly heavy, as he started to focus on his hands, and the texture of his face. His face soon had an expression of panic on it, as he tried to feel the texture of his face and bulging veins, only to feel nothing. He could never feel much with his hands, the nerves were all fried. It was like trying to feel something through 7 layers of blanket. This hurt him. From the inside out. 

"Zibby?" PD asked, his words piercing through Zee. PD was there the whole time, by his bedside. Zee slowly turned to stare at the boy, only to realize where he was. His old room, or- a Dib's room. It felt so strange to him, yet, so familiar.

"PD..? You're here? Where is this..?" Zee asked, as he buried his panic. 

"It's the Membrane house! He brought us home once he found me! Isn't this cool?" PD said with a giggle, as he handed a small bag of sugar cubes to Zee. The boy paused, before slowly opening up the bag, and taking out a sugar cube. He slid his slightly damaged visor down over his eyes, as he brought the sugar cube to his face, getting a good look at it, before slowly putting it in his mouth. 

PD and Zee made eye contact for just a moment, before Zee quickly sat up, and pulled PD into a hug. A twinge of fear hit PD, but he soon enough leaned into the hug. This was the first time he was given affection by Zee.

It felt so strange. But as a former paranormal investigator, strange was welcome.

Wait.

Paranormal investigator?

. . . 

"Kids? How are you two doing?" Membrane asked, as he walked into the room, and greeted his two house guests. PD and Zee were sitting on the bed, nervously talking about something.

PD and Zee were probably the strangest things the man had ever seen. Both are his son, Dib, but both had faced rather terrible fates. The oddest part? They were together as friends. Something about them being together seemed really off to him, but he was in no place to question the part alien, and part robot. 

He had taken some time to talk to little PD before he went to accompany Zee. 

_"So… How did you meet Zee?" Membrane asked, sitting across from PD at his kitchen table. He passed PD a cup of tea, as well as a package of fruit gummies. PD happily enjoyed what he was offered, taking a big sip of the tea._

_"Well… I've known him my whole life! I think! Or what I can remember from my life… It's confusing!" PD chuckled, only to get an odd look from Membrane._

_"So… Has he always been like that?" Membrane asked._

_"Like what?"_

_Membrane stared off for a moment, at his stove, and the photo of his family that hung near it. Himself, Gaz, and Dib. Did PD and Zee have them? The boy's life couldn't have been all that good, if… He lived with Zee his whole life._

_"Y'know, eh… How do I say this politely… Alien..?" Membrane muttered, facing PD again, only to see him stuffing his face with gummies._

_"Also as long as I can remember!" PD chuckled, as he swallowed his entire mouthful without issue._

_"He couldn't have been like that for your whole life… He's, some form of Dib- wait, what about you? Have you always been like that?"_

_"No… I used to be fully human! Until Zibby made me better!"_

Membrane stared at the two boys, a smile on his face. It took Zee a moment, but he soon enough noticed Membrane's presence, which immediately made him recoil back. PD saw this, and immediately comforted Zee, reassuring him. 

"Don't worry, Zibby! He's nice!" PD purred, placing his hands on Zee's shoulders.

"R-Right… I'm sorry…" Zee muttered, as he turned to face Membrane.

"It's alright, son. I understand. Would you like breakfast?" Membrane asked. Zee and PD thought for a moment, before the roach boy nodded yes. Membrane turned around, and made his way downstairs. 

Zee stretched his arms, before getting up from the bed. He only had to wait for a moment, as PD was up soon enough. PD excitedly looked to Zee, before the roach nodded, as the ok for PD to go ahead. PD let out an excited gasp, before running all the way downstairs. Zee enjoyed seeing PD happy, it was a pleasant change of pace. But… Zee dug through his pockets, and made sure he had his portal device ready, as well as multiple weapons.

Zee walked down the stairs, a thud to his every step, until he made his way into the kitchen, where everything was ready and set. He sat down at the kitchen table, in front of his pre-made food. Eggs, sausage, and a glass of apple juice. He stared directly at his food, feeling bad about the fact that he couldn't quite eat most of what he was given. 

"I, I'm sorry, but… My body is unable to eat this… Meat and water burn." Zee muttered. 

"Oh, that's okay! What would you like instead?" Membrane asked, as he took Zee's plate, and moved it's contents to his own. 

"... Do you have pancakes?" Zee mumbled.

Membrane didn't even respond, as he entered his fridge, and took out some leftover pancakes, soon sticking them into the microwave. 

All watched as the microwave heated up the pancakes, it humming as microwaves do. 

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" PD droned on, clearly amused by the noise. He only stopped to shovel a forkful of eggs into his mouth, as he bounced up and down in his seat.

Zee enjoyed the sight. Sun coming through the window, a Father preparing food for him, a brother beside him, the smell of fresh cooked breakfast in the air. He just sat there, and took it all in, allowing himself the happiness he always so badly craved.

"BEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEEPPP!" PD screamed, almost exactly in time with the microwave. Membrane took out the heated up pancakes, and slathered syrup all over them. Zee felt his mouth get wetter, as the plate was set down in front of him. Zee stared down at his food for just a moment, before cutting a piece away from one of the pancakes, and gently setting it down in his mouth.

The sweetness quickly spread in his mouth, joy plastered onto the roach's sweet little face. He enjoyed every moment of it, as he was used to the absolute garbage he ate in the void. It was heartwarming for Membrane to see the two happy. 

"Are they any good?" Membrane asked, as he moved to sit down next to Zee. Zee didn't mind how close Membrane was, as he lacked his usual excess tension. 

"Yes…" Zee murmured, swallowing his first bite, and having a second. He continued to eat his pancakes for the next few minutes, until he turned to look at Membrane, and quietly asked, "Could you get me a blanket?"

Membrane gave Zee a gentle nod, before exiting the room. Zee stared down at his plate for a moment, and then at PD. He quickly grabbed the boy's hand, and yanked him up from his seat. PD yelped from shock, as Zee quickly shot open a portal, and shoved PD through. Where the hell did it go??

The tower.

PD was back at the tower. 

PD couldn't help but breathe heavily, unable to keep the feelings down anymore. Zee started to walk off, back to his desk, but PD didn't let him. Zee was shocked by an action as bold as the boy grabbing his arm, literally turning around to stare down at him.

"PD. What do you think you're doing?" Zee spat, trying to yank his arm away, only to find out that PD was holding it as tight as he could.

"Wh… Why did you do that?? Why did you leave him?? He loved us!" PD cried, as tears ran down his face. Zee felt no remorse for the boy, unfortunately…

"Because he was only interested in us for our biology. I saw how much he stared at my hair… Scythe things, and your arms, and my skin." Zee spat. 

PD could not believe what he had just heard. That just wasn't true at all!

"Zibby! That's just not true! He didn't do that! He didn't!" PD sobbed. 

" **Don't be an idiot, P.** " Zee growled. He leered in towards PD, to assert his dominance, only to get slapped across the face by the little boy, "What- What did you just do??"

"You're being the idiot! You're the fucking idiot! He loved and cared for us! He made us happy! I saw it, I felt it! You were happy! You felt loved! You felt appreciated! He was _everything you ever wanted from a father!"_ PD yelled, his face having grown redder and redder, until he realized what he said, and slapped both of his hands over his mouth.

"PD. You're not supposed to know that." Zee spat, aggressively taking a step towards PD.

"I-I-I'm very good at reading expressions..??" PD stammered.

"We both know what is going on. You know what I have to do." Zee muttered, no emotion to his face as he set his hand harshly down onto PD's shoulder. PD tried to recoil, but couldn't.

PD couldn't even get his next response out, Zee stabbing something into the left side of PD's neck. He… Immediately went unconscious, flopping to the floor.

"Irk… I can't believe I have to reset you again…" Zee mumbled, as he bent down, picked up his creation, and prepared for the long night set ahead of him.

**Author's Note:**

> another name for this piece is "bowser's big bean burrito".
> 
> and yes, i did something lame, by naming this after a song.


End file.
